Mr. Hotness: An Introduction

Have you ever absolutely adored someone completely unattainable? Okay, we all have. In our teens. The prom queen, the highschool jock -- or, if you're this guy (and I am) the cute nerd in Science class.

Enter Mr. Hotness. Unlike highschool, Mr. Hotness, knows I'm alive. We see each other daily we're so infatuated with each other (Okay, he's kind of required to see me daily to earn his paycheck. No, I'm not his pimp. Yes, we work together). He is incredibly gorgeous, smart, down-to-earth, hilarious and even points out how much we have in common on a regular basis. Yep, I think it's genuine love. He was *made* for me, I know it. There's just one teeny tiny problem: his girlfriend. His LONG TERM girlfriend. What's the phrase? Oh yes, I believe it's "FML".

Before you go calling me a homewrecker, let me step up onto this soapbox and declare the following things: I didn't *want* to love Mr. Hotness. It just happened. Sure he was automatically gorgeous and I noticed. But Atomic Foxxx is the type of girl who automatically sees 'relationship' on someones resume and puts all thought of romance out of her head... usually.

There's a catch with Mr. Hotness. His girlfriend is a huge C*@!. I didn't even want to hate her at first. If you've ever wanted to bone someone from first sight, the best thing you can do is meet their significant other. If the S.O. is a sweetheart you can't help but be happy for how great they are together. This has always worked for me. Until I met Ms. Wrong-For-Him. She doesn't appreciate him, treats him like a slave and screams so loud at him when they're on the phone here at work, I can hear her every bellow and demand. This might sound like a regular long term relationship to some of you. You might even cheer her on for wearing the pants. But Mr. Hotness looks great in pants too. And I'd like to see him treated with respect. She has come to our place of employment and been downright beastly to my staff and Mr. Hotness. I tried to like her, but I'm afraid she's just a mega-beezatch.

So what's a girl to do? If you've ever heard yourself utter the words, "All the good ones are taken" you could be right. And you surely couldn't blame me for declaring war on Ms. Wrong. While she has him at home washing and drying like a single mother, I will be epitome of relaxation and fun. Ms. Wrong is going down, dear ones.


My sights are set, I'm locked and loaded. Oh Mr. Hotness, it all begins here...